I have always had cause to speak briefly and see things in their most basic forms, this has come as both a curse and a blessing to me.
To reduce the universe into a simple easily dissected form is the most insulting thing one can do to the complexity of creation, it is also one of the most honest steps a being can take to understanding that which is.
At the most basic level this can be described as linguistics, but linguistics can be explained by a single question: what if colour isn’t colour?
Nothing more needs to be said on that, I remember the first time this caused me to stop and think, I was five years old.
In kindergarden I was known for mixing several puzzles at once and rearranging them all together, the only reason I had was that it made things complicated enough to be enjoyable.
The balance between chaos and order is very easily summarised in that very statement. I was a Zen philosopher before leaving kindergarden.
But this was not enough for me, balance between chaos and order seemed to me to be yet another rule to be balanced, and so on ad nausium.
I felt myself as a chaotic force, but with nobody around to model these new feelings I hid them as best I could.
I remember pondering the nature of a conversation, trying to understand how it was possible that two people would say things backwards and forwards without having to pause and think about what they were saying.
During school I would often push every rule, and yet, I stand by my methods.
By testing the boundaries figuratively rather than literally I caused everyone to hypothesise about the limits of the rules.
I say this once only, I have never been caught.
My rule testing and breaking behaviour caused me to identify with the ferocious intelligence of the Velecoraptors in Jurassic park, testing the fences even though shocked a little; they would quickly find and exploit any weakness.
I tried playing dumb, but the mask soon became so entangled with my face that I became as my disguise. It disgusted me and I made a push to return to my origins.
Throughout I have found no point in my life that I believe that I was content, this is once again a curse and a blessing. But with no solution I find myself with a secreted yearning to step out that which blocks my content; my own brain.
I poison my body with drugs; they affect it for better or worse, but always cause the rift between my mind and body to widen.
I state now that it is entirely possible that with the destruction of the body the mind may roam free. This I call the philosophers paradise – your time on earth based on gathering as much or as little data as you see fit to compute for eternity.
This brings me to my list of terms that are ill defined and require a kick in the right direction:
Infinity: it is big, bigger than you can imagine, picture that. No…
Darkness: the absence of light? Why not define everything using what is absent, the reason; x’ = x + n
A mixed blessing: apart from the obvious religious implication, it suggests a balance, that you enjoy this thing as much as you dislike it. This is rarely the case.
The rest are for the field of metaphysics and ‘sexy maths’ to deal with, I refuse to waste my time beating my head against a wall trying to understand what no tutor can explain.
I have seen the universe in 4d, try Lysergic Diethylamide, you can sense a lot of things differently to how you normally would.
I sense within myself infinite potential, but with no direction and no driving force it is moot, I merely became reactive to others, which ultimately will lead to stagnation and the inevitable rot of my body.
Name a worthy cause; call on me to do your bidding any who believe themselves better than I.
I ask only for proof that satisfies me and I will serve you unwaveringly to my dying breath.
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