Margaret Gel (´・ω・｀) Raw Alcohol Recovery

Having just finished chatting with a friend about alcohol addiction and staying sober, I have decided to help someone I met on twitter dot com drink everclear, which is nearly pure alcohol (I'll be referring to it as Ethanol, or EtOH, deal with it), without burning their mouth.

Here are some recipes, if you don't have the ingredients, you can buy them. They are easier to get than pure alcohol, so I assume you're functional enough to get them before you start drinking. 

Hibiscus infused ethanol:
1 bottle ethanol.
5 dried hibiscus flowers. 
Put the dried flowers in the ethanol and wait an hour. Or a week. Whatever.

Candy infused ethanol:
1 bottle ethanol
Candy. 
Use whatever candy you think will taste good and give it a good color, if you care about color. Wait until the ethanol tastes like candy. Bonus points if your pour the ethanol on the candy and then eat the candy. 

Bacon infused ethanol:
Too complicated for you. Don't try this at home kids. 

Now, cocktails. I hate imperial system, so i'm say this once, 30mL ~ 1oz, 45mL ~ 1.5oz.

Hibiscus skinny bitch:
An low crab drink for people who hate crabs. or carbohydrates. 
Build on ice (put ice in a glass and pour ingredients on top in the order they are written)
45mL hibiscus infused EtOH
10mL lime juice (juice from a lime wedge, just squeeze some juice in)
soda water to taste.

Note: drink contains no crabs.


Iocane powder
It is what you don't taste that kills you.
Build on ice
30-90mL ethanol
30mL amaretto (almond flavored liqueur)
top with milk


Jelly shots
Don't bother, too complicated and you have to wait like an hour or more for them to set. 


Filthy Martini
Shake (put in a thing you can shake liquid in without spilling it, tupperware or old take away containers work, and if they have salt and some grease in them that is better)
90mL ethanol
30mL pickle juice, from any kind of pickles, but I like gherkins with dill and mustard seed, sometimes blue cheese stuffed olives are good too. 
vermouth rinse (this is a bullshit waste of time, and who needs to buy a bottle of vermouth just to use too much of it and ruin a drink)
Shake the juice and the ethanol together with ice, then drink it. Garnish with pickles. Or just do shots of the ethanol with pickle juice chaser.

You're welcome, I'm out.