Holiday or Vacation?

Went home.

Might move back there. 

Dreamed of the convent ghost. It talked to me this time. Led friends through the attic room in the side staircase, then up to the skylight altar area. The moon was showing through a cloudy sky. 

It followed, it spoke. It was a ward of the nuns. I didn't understand the rest. 

The feasting hall had vanished, as had the old safe tunnel and refurbished dangerous one. They led to the same guardpost but now the cracked wall under the archways was fenced off. 

The drop from a pipe onto a different pipe under the bridge and bike path was still there, and now I had the idea of adding a solvent to the moss to burn it off without slipping. The fumes might affect the rest of the tunnels, but the wind blows strongly there and it might be okay. 

The abandoned factory the pipe led to is still there; I didn't visit after last time but I imagine the doors have been locked again, though the windows and railings will likely still be broken. 

How much further does the Epping line have to extend to reach Brooklyn? 

The importance of green in my life is apparent now. Though I would rather help someone dye a pug red than read stories to adult children. 

Tidepool and reef.

This wonderful place

I find myself in my dad's hometown this father's day. 

So I thought I'd take the time to post some pictures of the shape of my life, and hope that makes a decent enough present to make up for my absence. 

I'm sure he's out there somewhere, wishing I still lived at home. 

Sure. 

Thanksgiving 2014

Thanksgiving spent in the north country with my family. 

We just finished a delicious meal. I baked rolls and a cheesecake with my cousin, and my aunt took care of the rest. 

Conspicuous lack of people, which had me almost in tears when we said grace, thinking about those that were not at the table. 

The snow continues to fall, and this land is beautiful. 

I am recharged. 

New York

I'm from a city of ~2.3 million people. 

I'm from a town that you could blink and miss while driving, county route 23. 

I think to myself today that I miss my home. But I am home. This is my home too, these people are my people. 

I think of the bush, the yarra, the heat of an oncoming summer. 

I think of brown snakes on the goat's trail sunning themselves in the afternoon sun, the gums singing in the breeze, the shifting patterns of shadow they provide. 

I think of my friends. You know who you are. 

I love this country here, but the country I learned to love was a few close family members and a specific feeling of being in up state new york. 

Now I'm in the city. It is busy, people worry about the same nonsense they do all over the world. I see through the myth, I see through the advertising, media, prestige. 

I found an anarchist book collective. I'm going to volunteer. 

I am excited by the amount of friends I don't even know that live here. I can feel their presence in this place, I can almost hear their stories. 

I know I must return to the place of my birth. I know this endless dream of travel and exploration of the world will one day end. 

But I push on, every day, knowing how little I know. Waiting for fullness. 

Nobody cares where I am from. Nobody cares what I have seen. That is the most sobering and beautiful part of this place. Insignificance. 

I aim to disappear; I don't want fame, fortune or public recognition. 

I want to live here, learn what I can and move on. 

Margaret Gel (´・ω・｀) Raw Alcohol Recovery

Having just finished chatting with a friend about alcohol addiction and staying sober, I have decided to help someone I met on twitter dot com drink everclear, which is nearly pure alcohol (I'll be referring to it as Ethanol, or EtOH, deal with it), without burning their mouth.

Here are some recipes, if you don't have the ingredients, you can buy them. They are easier to get than pure alcohol, so I assume you're functional enough to get them before you start drinking. 

Hibiscus infused ethanol:
1 bottle ethanol.
5 dried hibiscus flowers. 
Put the dried flowers in the ethanol and wait an hour. Or a week. Whatever.

Candy infused ethanol:
1 bottle ethanol
Candy. 
Use whatever candy you think will taste good and give it a good color, if you care about color. Wait until the ethanol tastes like candy. Bonus points if your pour the ethanol on the candy and then eat the candy. 

Bacon infused ethanol:
Too complicated for you. Don't try this at home kids. 

Now, cocktails. I hate imperial system, so i'm say this once, 30mL ~ 1oz, 45mL ~ 1.5oz.

Hibiscus skinny bitch:
An low crab drink for people who hate crabs. or carbohydrates. 
Build on ice (put ice in a glass and pour ingredients on top in the order they are written)
45mL hibiscus infused EtOH
10mL lime juice (juice from a lime wedge, just squeeze some juice in)
soda water to taste.

Note: drink contains no crabs.


Iocane powder
It is what you don't taste that kills you.
Build on ice
30-90mL ethanol
30mL amaretto (almond flavored liqueur)
top with milk


Jelly shots
Don't bother, too complicated and you have to wait like an hour or more for them to set. 


Filthy Martini
Shake (put in a thing you can shake liquid in without spilling it, tupperware or old take away containers work, and if they have salt and some grease in them that is better)
90mL ethanol
30mL pickle juice, from any kind of pickles, but I like gherkins with dill and mustard seed, sometimes blue cheese stuffed olives are good too. 
vermouth rinse (this is a bullshit waste of time, and who needs to buy a bottle of vermouth just to use too much of it and ruin a drink)
Shake the juice and the ethanol together with ice, then drink it. Garnish with pickles. Or just do shots of the ethanol with pickle juice chaser.

You're welcome, I'm out. 

Droop

they are constantly undressing,
tossing their clothes about recklessly
the ground fills with the colors of fire
and goes 'crunch' underfoot.


Картина не соответствующих

Google drive

Proving once again that the internet never forgets anything. I have discovered some old poetry I wrote on google drive.

Now public for the first time, I hope anyone who reads this vomits with disgust.

Eyes shut
Toward our center
Leaning in

Lips brush
Eyelids flutter
Nerves fire

Moistened
Skin brushes skin
Certainty

Confidence
Exploring sensation
Excitement

Breathing
Clock stops ticking
We love

23

What do you talk to your friends about?

She stood. 'Then it is settled' said she, 'I shall go to find the object that will remove desire'.

It was not settled, other's grumbled and griped.

'Why, what for?'.

'Is there a purpose or do you just want to do something?'

She sad down, pondering.

'If I do find it, I will stop wanting it. Then I will be at peace.'

'and then what?'

'I don't and can't know'

'more peace?'

'Doing something is better than doing nothing.'

The others made farting sounds that meant 'why?'

'Doing nothing is oft better than anything. At least when you do nothing, nobody gets hurt'

There was no need to say that was not her intent; accidents could happen and she knew outcomes rarely had any connection with intent.

'Where would you look?' a cautious voice inquired.

'I would start by asking the smartest person I know'

'You wouldn't understand what they told you, if they even answered your question'.

'Then I'll ask the most honest person I know'.

'Their answer would insult and upset you'.

'The most straightforward person then'.

'Good idea, if you know who that is'.

Her shoulder's sunk; she did not know, no one could.

'Maybe I'll use my intuition'.

'Maybe you already are'.

'Oh, okay'.

There was a long pause, while nobody said anything of consequence.

'It can't be too big, or someone would have found it already'.

'Or too small, significant, but not obvious'.

'If you know what it is, why are you looking for it?'

'I don't'

'Then how will you find it'

'I know what desire is!'

'You already have that'

'Then I'l look for the opposite'.

'You couldn't find the opposite of red, what makes this different?'

'I'm sure it was there, somewhere. I am just not good at color.'

'But you're good with desire? Don't answer that!'

'hrmmph'

'okay fine, something surrounded by a lack of desire?'

'something ugly?'

'something disgusting?'

'something boring?'

'No, all those things have opposites and provide contrast. It has to be something I feel nothing about'.

'Does it have to be something?'

'Yeah, we've got plenty of nothing'.

'It can't be that obvious can it?'

'Why not?'

Shangers and mash

Duolan park and modern art museum.

Beautiful, I showed up before the lazy artists got out of bed and started deconstructionism. So I spent my morning walking the park and doing a bit of taichi with some folks that thought I was weird but warmed immediately when they realized I knew the movements and spoke their language.

They told me that warm water was better for my health than chilled water, which could upset my stomach chi. Then we all smoked a cigarette and said goodbye.

There was a giant dragon made from plastic in the blue and white china style. I didn't care for it.

At the modern art museum, the deconstructionism was in full swing. The theme was water based ink, used in traditional chinese calligraphy.

I really liked the dead bird that lacked any anatomical correctness.

There was a really cool washout of a sunset with a sunset in the background. In the final piece the canvas is washed out to sea.

I bought a cheap bag with a kangaroo on it and had breakfast at a sushi place.

Baby Pack

Shut eyed amidst
The mind refolds unvoiced screams
Shut eyed amidst
The witching hour of moist dreams.

Atain illumination
Upset the nominally precise
Atain illumination
Reject formality in paradise.

Derpington and research

I have always taken the view that with care and concentration, it is possible to avoid injury.

The only time I have severely injured myself while cooking, I was busy having an arguement regarding determinism (oh hohoho very funny) and turned to rebut a point whilst removing a chunk of my thumb.

In the spurting blood I saw a mistake, allowing myself to be distracted, attempting to be of two minds when one would suffice.

Now I sit before a database, reading thousands of cases of people injuring themselves doing things that I do daily, weekly, monthly or yearly, along with other things it is unlikely I will ever do.

But why? What is the underlying reason? Popular opinion in the injury prevention community is that all injuries are preventable. Less popular but certainly present is the opinion that mitigation and control measures can reduce severity and incidence, but that a base rate of injury must always occur regardless of due care.

The most disturbing possibility to me is that injuries are never accidents, but rather subconscious actions undertaken in reaction to mental or physical stress.